Well this last month I totally planned to do a bunch of stuff that didn't even remotely happen. The first was a dry run of NanoWriMo... I made it to three days. I think the problem was that I wasn't doing a creative writing project, I was trying to write something that was probably a little too personal to be crammed into a micro project like that. I also figured out that not having ANY clue about what you're going to write and “just doing it” is NOT the kind of writer I am. I am boringly meticulous, a work horse. I definitely need ideas scribbled down and time for my brain to digest what happens next. On the Novel front I'm afraid I still feel like I'm lagging behind. I've had two horrendous weeks of emotional ups and downs which has left me feeling insanely brain foggy so for the last week I've pretty much done nothing other than a little bit of painting and eating WAY too much cake. I have been feeling a little sorry for myself and mopey. I hate pity parties, I really do hate them and I definitely hate them even more when I find myself trying to host one. So over this weekend I've given myself a stern talking to and am back to where I need to be tonight. Up in my creation station painting, writing and listening to music ( Alisha's Attic ).
( not finished yet just needs a lil somefink )
The last retrograde was particularly rough on me. It brought a whole bunch of old wounds from my late teens to the surface and for the first time in a looooong time I found myself doubting again. I was examining and cross examining EVERY creative decision that I made and nothing that I put my hand to felt good enough. Luckily the Universe had other ideas. This week I have had so many random compliments on my painting, writing, blogging and music that it's almost felt as if the Universe has refused to let me feel too crappy. Every time I loudly sighed to myself wandering the hallway of my house with an expression fit for a teenager I got an email, a txt, something just lovely turned up as if to say, Ryan James...stop being a pillock! And it worked! I feel awesome again today and raring for my week. I even sat down and finally watched “Frozen” with Stu this afternoon... it was a very sweet movie and to top it off Stu made the best Sunday Dinner he's ever made EVER. It truly was a game changer!
Peace out my lovelies and here's a new Canvas I finished. It's Huuuuge!
Ryan James xx