Passion as a journey or a destination.
I love those long conversations with friends. The ones where you've talked for so long you've all forgotten to eat and then wolf down some chocolate only to have to keep you talking for even longer! Perfect way to spend last night! We talked about everything and anything and caught up on loads and then we got to the subject of passion. I've lived with it, I've lived without it and right now I feel I am healing a part of myself within it. It almost feels like some sort of limbo. Like I am an observer to my own internal workings and I'm closely digesting passion and how it works in the human system.
I know that passion and hunger are two different things. Hunger is a young persons game and I'm too old and too busy to get invested in it. Passion is timeless. It seeps into your body and takes over. It is that feeling of wanting to do something constantly just to remain in it's flow. I feel like I'm dipping my toe in that water again recently. I have fallen in love with writing again and am allowing that small amount of passion to grow but I would be lying if I said it had completely taken over. In chatting with my friend last night I hit upon a fear of it in my system.
Last time I allowed passion completely into my heart I took it to a destructive negative space. I'm not that person any more and I think holding passion now is a completely different experience but I'm still a little afraid of it. As with every problem in my life the healing begins with sharing, with writing, I journal and I connect. I reach out for information and others ideas and then I go inward. I create my own internal ritual. I retreat to a space of total silence and in that silence I can hear myself. Fear of silence is the fear of the change it can bring. Today I am ready for that change.
Wish me Luck